Senior Life Since 2005
No-regret decisions at home, assisted living, hospitals and nursing homes
2425 Clover Street, Rochester, NY 14618
585-424-2424


ARTICLES & ANSWERS

Senior Life and Jennifer Meagher RN are featured on the WHEC News 10 website: www.WHEC.com. Jennifer answers questions from people like you and writes an article as well. She’s been writing for News 10 since 2007.

The most common questions asked of Senior Life are about life planning; options, costs and decisions. These letters and articles outline some of the considerations. Need more information? Book a consultation for complete information for your situation.

DEMENTIA

  DEMENTIA: DIGNITY and SECONDARY CONCERNS
  DEMENTIA: A FRIEND’S DENIAL and WHY DIAGNOSIS IS IMPORTANT
  WHEN DAYS AND NIGHTS ARE CONFUSED
  DRIVING WITH DEMENTIA
 

LIFE PLANNNING

  DECISIONS and FINANCES
  STAYING HOME
  MOVING
  MEDICAID
     

FAMILY RELATIONSHIPS

  PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE MOM AND GUILT ARTICLE
  CRITICAL MOTHERS AND LAZY SIBLINGS
  PERSONALITY DISORDER AND BAD PARENT VENGEANCE
  CRITICAL BROTHERS AND LONG DISTANCE FAMILIES
  SPLITTING UP PARENT’S VALUABLES
   

MOVING

Dear Jennifer,

My issue is my sister. She wants our father to MOVE. She doesn’t want to discuss how this feels for him. She doesn’t want to address pros and cons. She just wants him to go to senior living where they feed him, entertain him and provide transportation to his doctor appointments. She gets mad at me, but it sounds like she just wants to wash her hands of him! I think my dad is afraid of her, he’s caving in without saying how he feels.
I agree that my father would do well in a retirement place, but I don’t like that he’s being pushed without any discussion. What’s the right thing to do?

Sincerely,
Roberta




Dear Roberta
First: Is your father really afraid of her, and why is that so? If she is nagging him; fine. If she is crossing a line and threatening him or emotionally abusing him; call Elder Abuse at 244-8400. If this is “normal family interaction” I think your father did put in his two cents: he is choosing to go along. He is not arguing. He is not saying no. He also knows you well enough that he must realize he could turn to you to support him if he chose to stay home. It sounds like he knows it is time to move. Spend some time with your dad. Ask him how he feels, and share how you feel about him moving and how you feel about losing ties to the house. This is a big decision for everyone. I’d recommend you help your father move forward as graciously as possible; do everything you can to help him feel comfortable with the move. If your sister continues to bully him, contact my office and we will talk about it.
Warmly,
Jennifer


WHAT TO THINK ABOUT WHEN YOU’RE THINKING OF MOVING

Here’s a laundry list of considerations when faced with this decision:

1. Home modifications - possibilities include:
  1. Stay home with help. The help could be family or hired help. The hired help could be private hires or through an agency. The agency help could be “companions” or aides and nurses. I know. It’s a lot, right? -- I help my families understand the complexities of all this – there is too much information to share here.
  2. Use technology to keep your loved one home: emergency buttons, medication administration and alert systems, fall detectors, and web cams.
  3. Or move to another location for support – here’s the list from lowest care level to most:
  A. Independent living: a senior living community or low income apartment with amenities such as meals, transportation and entertainments.
  B. Independent living with “shared aides” – this means there are at least 4 residents using the same aide service; that one aide helps all four; the cost goes down considerably.
  C. Assisted Living – this is “assistance only.” There is no medical assessments or treatments. Medications are dispensed, but that is as far as it goes. A small handful accept Medicaid. Those that are private pay need you to get out as soon as you can’t pay anymore.
  D. Memory Care Assisted Living – see C above. When you are out of money, you’re out.
  E. Enhanced Assisted Living – this fills the gap between Assisted Living and Nursing Homes. It’s new so there are still some bugs. Some communities are rolling it out better than others. When you’re out of money, you’re out.
  F. Nursing Homes – there is criteria that must be met to qualify for a nursing home stay which is reflected in a PRI. If you aren’t familiar with this, do an internet search or visit my website. Not all nursing homes perform care on tubes or ventilators and no two nursing homes are alike for the style of care delivered.


3. Miscellaneous
  A. Transportation to doctor appointments – it is wise to have someone go along to ask questions, share observations / concerns, and follow through on instructions.


Locally Serving Upstate NY with Remote Services Available Throughout the USA
2425 Clover Street Rochester NY 14618
info@seniorlifegcm.com
585.424.2424